Month: May 2014

New Zealand, 2014 {Day 2 of 30}

Today looking at the calendar I realized …  I’ve been in this house almost two weeks. Repetition. There is something beautiful about being held in a place:  the small changes of the everyday that surprise me. I think any kind of life is an adventure and traveling is just one of many ways. I even think sometimes “travel” is overrated, clearly a catalyst for inner processes in so many ways. Yet if not living with freshness, is the same as having any other way, just an exotic one. And you can live with freshness in everyday life wherever … like making a constant “refresh” on the website..

One day I asked  myself Why  if I’m happy in Irapuato, in the ranch of my grandmother ,  with my friends … why  go away ? but my loyalty is not with the coherence, is with the truth … the truth of what I feel , moment by moment , and  I don’t  want to create any conflict with it.

Let’s see… small things of everyday life on the farm:

1. Yellow leaves. And the perfect time when the sun shines in bench in front of the balcony.

2. Sometimes I spy the sheep from the window – To see what they do when they are not seen. 

3. There is something really big living in the attic. I thought someone got into the house at dawn. I took the bat and I HAD to go check each room of the 3 floors home …  for be able to sleep in peace.

4.Today Ron passed by the House:
– No, I ‘m coming in.  I’m just giving the round in the neighborhood, I usually visit the widow friends … you know, just to see that everything goes well…
Ho! I ‘m on the list of widows / lonely old ladies. Thanks Ron!

5. I took a walk in the afternoon:SONY DSC

I get to the river. I sit.
I am crying laughing
I see the stillness of the running water
and the movement of the tree
and I am both.
“The same truth is everywhere.”

 

 

 

 

And this dairy is parallel in a madly way with that one of a year ago:

Sailing logbook

Puerto Vallarta
1/25/2013

I left the boat captain Play Boy, as my exaggerated friend said. I came to spend a few days with a Couchsurfing till I meet with Paul. A guy I found in the site findacrew. He said his crew decided to stay in Mexico so he need help for a couple of weeks … we’ll see.  I can at least learn the basics maybe.  Sandra asks me today if I’m comfortable traveling alone. I do not know how to answer, I just tell her that I have never felt alone … and I remembered that I read somewhere:

Alone comes from all- one.

* * * * * * *

Cuestacomate, Jalisco
1/30/13

And this is living in the ocean. I met Captain Pablo in a coastal town, I was not nervous, there is a huge trust and I can feel its weight in my body.  He came with a slouchy walk; he’s tall, looking around 65 years, gray and black hair. It feels quite. We took a water taxi that left us in his small sailboat anchored in the middle of a bay – lagoon. For the first time I felt

Aboard

It’s so strange! This small space where you live, cook, sleep and eat – everything- and beyond anything …  just water. And it moves, yet anchored there is a slight rocking and the brain feels like you are making a joke on it, before deciding whether it like it or not. It is a sailboat of 38ft long. It has a small super-equipped kitchen, a cabin with double bed, a table that turns into another bed in and in front of it a sofa.  Smells to … still not decided … ocean … however the ocean smell.

Since yesterday we were preparing the supplies for two weeks, yesterday night Paul cooked and he explain how the thing with the water works, apparently a very issue aboard: Two taps a salty and a fresh one. In the morning I woke up early to watch the sunrise with a coffee.

When the engine is turned on in Romany Star (or any other sailboat) it means energy since generators are working and the batteries being charged. It’s time to connect my computer and check for 15 minutes what’s happening in the world … and better not be watching for long a  screen when the boat is moving like this…

– First test passed. Paul says … – If you could stay watching the screen without feeling dizzy is probably difficult to get seasick for you…

I was a little scared, but not the sea, not the man I am going with, or that something was going to happen. I was a little afraid of myself; I was afraid that my body gets seasick and discovered that I’m not good for this … silly. Finally I told myself that I would not put pressure on the seasickness issue … If I feel bad I will embrace myself ( as I do when something does not feel right ) and I would say that I accept it, that this sickness …  is part of me, part of the trip too. I would breathe, deeply breathe, and accept it.  But… there was no such need! … I felt some movement in my brain after a couple of hours and because I was reading  so I slept for a while … I dreamed and dreamed a lot and when I came back to this conscious the feeling was gone, but now awakening takes more energy , I have to remember where I am, with who, doing what…

What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: 30 posts combined with a Sailing Logbook.

{Day 1 of 30}

I am just a naked woman at the end of the show. One that lives in a appropriately borrowed house. That sleeps with a baseball bat on one side of the bed… just in case. The cat meows at night exactly quarter to five and I stand up to open the door. 

I don’t think to be able to tell stories in order. At most a mixture between past and present. Today I say: I changed the cows of paddock, I started the fire in the chimney. Every day a grade less but there is firewood, is a lot and is dry. I am becoming expert starter of fires.

And the stories? Stories will be told by themselves. Cows or fishes? mountains or waves? Just a person cant have the credit for all that lives unfold in coincidences, situations, circumstances, and the “right moments”… I can’t say “I did this”, my imagination would not have the capacity of plan with  perfection of how things “happen”. 

Wait a minute,
I have to keep the fire going.

Now… what I was saying? ho! talking about sailboats: 

– To plan for how long and with who you will go in a sailboat without know it: It doesn’t work (at least for me). 

– To plan/ try to control everything and live in a sailboat: there are two antagonistic  things. 

 

My sailing logbook

1/20/2013, 10:04 PM Puerto Vallarta, Mex.
“Then I am here again. Stepping in nowhere, without knowing what to do. Just here… What I will do now? Do I know someone here? What can I do? What are the options? I don’t have any idea of what I am doing pretending I will go in a sailboat… What I want? I am left with nothing…
I just know it’s time to drop everything, my self and things will be whatever they have to be. Drop. Allow.”

Ok, I admit this sounds like a existential crisis more than having fun. Or to someone that was just left or lost the job? o well…  

1/24/2013, 2:32 PM
Puerto Vallarta.
The time with Steve y Sandra was good. I got more confidence. But still I don’t know what I am looking… I am looking? Is difficult to identify who is doing, this actions seem random, erratic, without logic. I guess I just want the freedom. To myself? I don’t know. Actually I don’t need that It make sense, just life doesn’t need to have sense or an explanation.

El primer velero al que subí
El primer velero al que subí… y casi chocamos…

 

Does the author believes his characters?

 

 

 

What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: This is a creative writing experiment where I’m mixing my dairies. Sometimes I write from the present or sometimes I just post my old dairy that I wrote when I live aboard a sailboat for one year.

New Zealand, 2014

And I keep the fire going all night. 

Laying on the carpet in front of the fire, the cat stretch his legs. Laying on the carpet in front of the fire, the foggy windows. Laying on the carpet in front the fire, in complete solitude… or in a solitude complete. Laying in the carpet in front the fire -I kiss you everywhere- Laying on the carpet in front the fire, I save the time under the blankets. Laying on the carpet in front the fire, memories condense. 

Like someone that rest the head in a home pillow after a long trip… I enjoy the little everyday-things of this Kiwi town, and a strange house but very well inhabited. I finished the 16 days of creative writing with the beginning of something else, not sure what. Is so nice to see from here memories! take the dust off the dairies in the sea, those that I carry in the backpack, the laptop, or in the memory. Emotions, adventures, nervous, silences, meetings, goodbyes. 

A journey from Here to Here. 

 

The sailing logbook

 

January 17th, 2013
Irapuato, Gto. México

Writing from the Primera Plus bus. There is one everyday that goes from Irapuato to Puerto Vallarta and is 500Km to reach the closest cost from my home city. If I am nervous? Bah! Why I should be nervous if I don’t have idea of where I will end up, all I have is a backpack (with just summer clothes) some hundred pesos in the pocket and the certainly that I have any clue of the dimensions of this journey… and I’m glad for that. 

I told my family I will come back in a couple of months. A little lie to say good bye in an eloquent way, without drama. My brother was playing videogames, we just wave to each other. My dad… where it was my dad?.

My mom? ha, she said “hija… TAKE CARE”. I said I come back in a little while (of course a Mexican little while) I smiled with confidence and -with sweety cold hands- I came to the bus stating thinking it was a bad idea to took my mom yesterday to see “the life of Pi” in the movie theater… 

The “banda” in Guanajuato asked me what’s going on, whats next after being in such serious and promising job. 

– I go sailing!

Now is 11pm since I took the night bus. At 6am I’m supposed to arrive in the bus stating and meet some people I’ve talk about sailing and being crew. Well see… I am calm, but is not only that I’ve never been in a sailboat… I just read the two first chapters of my Sailing for Dummies book! 

There is no plan. I told my friends: In January I take my backpack and I go to live in a sailboat. Maybe I can learn somehow and maybe I go to down in the American cost so if I don’t like it I can jump off in any port. Right?

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What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”

May 26 / Poetry

May I be forgiven in Mexico for not knowing about the Internet censorship, or worse… for not knowing the precise number of goals in this World Cup.

May I be forgiven by the UN for not read the last statistic about malaria, since I chose study the exact correlation between tenderness and passion on a field research.

May I be forgiven for the pending books to read, the authors I never remember, and the poems that I destroy trying to translate. 

May I be forgiven by Anatomy and Physiology since I just understand about those body parts that I have tasted. 

May I be forgiven by Summer, because I’ve chosen Winter.

May I be forgiven by Geography for invent my own maps and ignore all the  sea, land or… corporal boundaries.

May I be forgiven by migration (or may they send me back).

May I be forgiven for not come to my cousin’s wedding, my nephwe’s birthday, the first communion, the baptism, the day of the mother, Christmas …

May I be forgiven by my grandfather because when he died I was celebrating life  in the other side of the world.

May I be forgiven for the lovers since I cannot remember the corners of their bodies and the smells were forgotten in the fire.

May I be forgiven by whom yesterday I called  “my love”  with a name… since Life doesn’t need to call “my love” to itself.

May I be forgiven by my dead ones who I don’t pray to…

… and by the church for seeing my own God…

 and for all the toughs that I’ve changed for heartbeats.

May I be forgiven by all because I don’t need forgiveness.  I’ve pardoned myself …
and without any penalty. 

What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”

May 25 / Diary
Desde la granja 25 de mayo –

Registro importantísimo del día:

Cayó el diluvio, llovió todo el día y la noche… los árboles se han quedado pelones y ¡no tengo que regar las plantas!. La Catherine habló dos veces, le dije gracias no quiero salir. Insiste en que vaya a tomar una taza de té. ¡Con esta lluvia ni pensarlo! dice era el aniversario de su boda, y el marido ya no está… pero cada quién le reza a sus muertos… y yo ni siquiera le rezo a los míos, que me perdonen pero yo los tengo bien enterrados. Que si les invoco demasiado luego vienen a jalarme los pies, se me aparecen por la casa y no hay como sacárselos de encima… roen y roen y uno piensa el mueeerto me sigue… sin saber que es uno el que le da lata.

Pero escucho tus penas… a ver ¿quieres una taza de té? con leche, con miel, con esperanzas, con olores de juventud en las historias… el único chisme que podría contarte es que Kiko -el gato- se fugó por la madrugada el condenado, me estuve preguntando en que carajo rincón habrá ido a parar. O que el Sweet me preguntó que cuando paso por su barrio… que no me cotice tanto… yo le digo, a esta chiquita se le agarra en el momento, pero eso él ya lo sabe.

Hoy amaneció claro después de la tormenta que resultó en un desmadre de hojas por todo el patio…  ahí mismo las dejaré… se ven tan chulas como diría mi abuela… ahí regaditas con sus colores rojo, amarillo, violeta. No me explico porque insistimos en barrer algo tan natural como el otoño… si termina barriéndose a sí mismo.

Hoy me fui a sentar al río y las borregas me seguían y me seguían creo que esperaban que les diera algo, o me querían decir algo… como inquietas, con ojitos pispiretos y todo… luego vi que un perro se había saltado la cerca y andaba merodeando… a esos hay que tenerles cuidado porque aquí los entrenan para matar puercos “pig dogs” les llaman  “perro puerco”…. ¡ja! así justo le diríamos en México a algún tipo con intensiones sobrepasadas.

Me dijo el Graham que no me fiara, que cerrara todo y prendiera las luces porque el otro día hubo una pelea de “gansters” según ellos: Lo que en Nueva Zelanda significa un montón tipos maorí tomando y peleándose a puñetazos. Yo me callé la boca… no me quiero hacer la ruda pero si supiera que en México esas cosas son de niños de secundaria, no señor si hubiera una pelea de Gangsters se enterarían… y no se si lo digo con un triste cinismo o con un cómico lamento, pero es lo mismo.

Por las dudas hoy mismo regresé a contarlas. Porque como dice mi abuela a las ovejas se les cuenta del diario… no basta con que estén completas el martes, y el jueves… el sábado también hay que contarlas… uno nunca sabe cuando el coyote se le antoje pasar o en este caso el perro puerco.

Yeah, I need to clean them!
Yeah, I need to clean them!

What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”

May 23 / Diary

*A couple of months in charge of a farm, one cat, cows, and 25 sheep… only important things are happening here…

The tittle is the last thing to write. I think. The cat waiting in front of the window. Wooden smell. Noise of branches in the balcony. I have cold feet, calloused fingers over the strings and wooden smells, smells like wood. Today scattered sheep. Today the yellow tree was empty of leaves. Today hot teas, honey teas, milk teas, and moisten mornings teas.

Today the sheep were scattered… 22.. 23.. 24.. and -almost- 25… one is missing the ear, because -almost- was eaten by the wolf.
Rain. No need to go out – just watch them from the window… but I go out and is warm. I wear rubber boots for not get dirty but sheep shit is not like human shit…  no… we humans consume from everything, sheep no. I wear rubber boots that smell like farm, big big wool socks… so the feet don’t get frozen, and the boots fit better, borrowed things.

Today the sheep were scattered along the river… they come if I call them… maah maah… If I bring a bucket with leftovers… or a bucket with fruits -but not apples-, or a bucket with nothing because they don’t know is empty. The one without ear goes and comes, and jump with confidence. The wolf gave it this freedom.

They come, we haven’t introduce ourselves. maah.. maaah… They don’t want to know my name, age, where I was from?… hoo sin poorly educated sheep maah… maah… with their curious stares… they don’t talk about politics, jobs, neither about God, or how much grass have eaten today, or how dad sheep left mom sheep…

The teapot on fire. Hands warm up on a side, a metallic screech, the cat is hungry, burn toast smell, marmalade. Look without attention, looking everything but in nothing. I am witness of my own days, I spy them from the garden between the branches of Pohutukawa and lemon. Is the guitar witnessing the music that it’s playing? but the guitar is not happy or sad because the melodies that plays. From here a fresh smell, grass just cut, rain in the soil.  

23.. 24.. 25.. Sheep.

Contando el rebaño
Counting the flock. New Zealand

What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”

May 22 / Sweet Challenge

1. Tulia, do whatever you want but please don’t end up dancing in Thailand in some congal (kind of tabledance).

2. Put all your “chivas” (stuff) together, your papers, everything… just in case you have to run away from the country…

3. Don’t hang out in dark places, some dude could come and give it to you unfolded... and worse… maybe you like it!

4. Always have a detail with the people, bring a present for friends and people that help you. I already made some bijou and stuff for you to take… 

5. Doesn’t matter…  nobody can’t take from you the“already danced” 

6. Everything happen for a reason… or has she says “if it’s for you… even if you move from it; but if it’s not… even if you search to it” (uff difficult to translate those sayings) 

7. Take the chiles and spices that I pack for you… so you can cook properly…
Note:  I brought knord Suiza from Mexico to Geneva… then realize it is from Switzerland!

8. Be aware... write down addresses, phones, send me copies of passports and documents of the boats you will be… you know me… I can go and find you in any island! 

– The advice she gave me not knowing she was doing so:

9. Trust in people. (She advice me not  trust to much but then she goes and make friends with everybody even in the line of the bank)

10. Ask for help when need it, there is someone always. (When our Bocho (VW) is broken in the middle of the street… she doesn’t care at all, she goes and ask for help to anybody to push it a side, bring the mechanic, etc.)

11. Worries are not useful! Things will came out in its place on the way. But  “movidita hija”… move your butt… go, ask, research, read, invent… movidita

Tíos, primos y familiares arreglando nuestro Bocho
Mi mamá con tíos, primos y familiares arreglando nuestro Bocho

12.  And laugh  of everything that happen to you… because it happened. 


What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”

May 21 / Diary

So many words, so much conversation but I am in harmony, in silence. I arrive to Taumarunui, a chubby Kiwi man and his Filipino wife pick me up. Such a small town inhabited by 70 year old people. The jokes back in Auckland make sense now: Tulia, do you like old people?

They show me the house, is beautiful here… a very old house, smells humidity… or like an old book… The wood outside, stairs, porch, is dark and thick. Sunbeam go across the purple and orange branches, because here we are in fall. A kind of chaotic house, and how those kind use to be: With personality… a cat, three cows, 25 sheep… and a river that whispers winter.

He, -after one hour of knowing each other- tells me about his depression and that he’s thinking about commit suicide. She left, they left… girls left. House was falling apart. Now he’s with the Fiipino woman that speaks English without past tense. Her first husband was lost in the sea, fell overboard leaving behind just a sandal. A have a flashback about the first time I came aboard, Pablo saying:

Tulia, the very first rule to sail in the open sea: if you fall you are dead.

I listen, I listen too many words, too much conversation but then today… listening the her monologue I had a clear insight:  Silence Is Always. Sounds emerge from it, on it, but doesn’t mean that it stopped or disappeared… silence doesn’t come or go, it is behind everything… is the background of the laugh, the voice, the music, the sounds that dance those can come and go.  As space where everything can appear. I listening the fast chatting of the Filipino woman, her complains, her voice… but it is so clear that silence is here that I can feel it physically. There is no need of go to an isolated island to experience the true silence… since you could be there… and bring with you all your noise.

The landscape is beautiful… I think I’m just seeing everything pretty… beautiful NZ, beautiful sky, the strong and health river, the fog, mountains, colorful trees… or maybe is that I am seeing it like this because I see from other perspective, one of contentment  moved… moved for how she says:

– This cat makes me happy, makes me happy. Thanks for take care of the house. 

They say… there is heaps of food, meet from the animals also… eat whatever you want… there is fruits from the trees, we just made groceries and if something you need let us know. I say Thanks…Thanks. 

What Desafío Sweet is?

Is a Creativity Dynamic that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to write one Blog post for 16 continuous days with an objective beyond the literature itself.

HERE:

16 Posts/ personal essays for… just for do it.
16 Actions to promote or kick-start a project of research consulting.
2 Languages
One “let’s see what happen”