All characters or none

{Day 4 of 30}

Farmer or sailor?
Ocean or mountain?
Stillness or movement?

These days I’ve disappeared between hours in front of the river, walks senseless, cutting kiwis in the garden, or at the bottom of the hot tub to stop shaking… from the cold? It’s winter … naked trees, fallen leaves, fires … and smoke rising like clouds all over town. I feel my heart keeping warmth, pum pum pum.

I went to the “club” to play bingo with Mr. Graham and his wife.
– And … do you have children?
– Yes, one of 50 and another of 48.

Well, it was the social Wednesday night and there were about 50 people … gray-haired and 65 years old and above. On of those things that happened to my by chance. Also it turns out that my buddy Mr. Graham is in charge of the police district, which is pretty funny given the hmm… situation.

After listening a while their stories… I see that actually is not just me, maybe we all go through changes … of tastes, attitudes, trends, jobs, problems, and the interesting thing is that while living the one: I could swear it is The true one, the last and the most valid; or that the problem I had was the highest (when I had long ago forgotten the others).

One day I was sad and in a hole because I separated from someone … and then happily asked about your next affair!. One day I thought strongly on becoming the best researcher, and then I quit and went for thinking I should travel all the time; then the sailboats appear, then the boats finished … So why identify so strongly with the person / situation / problem being in this time? 

The other day I was riding a bike with Graham and on the way I remembered that before when I asked myself: who is Tulia? images and projections of the person I believed to be where coming at mi mind to try to make a “shape of me” or a character … But now even if still see those characters and stories, there is something that is separate from them in order to see them, and only a sense of “being there” reminds.

It’s like if before I thought my life was like going on a roller coaster ups and downs and suddenly realized that it was actually the base where all these ups and downs are. Is actually depending on my perception I can be the girl on the car experiencing all that or I can be the entire structure of the roller coaster and know that there are ups and downs but experience them from another perspective.

Discern: When thinking who am I? if come images, concepts, projections, tastes and trends of the person who is believed to be … almost sure these are related to the context in which I have lived or am living. So on my bike ride in the afternoon I had the insight that the called “knowing ourselves” is not unimaginable not in a poetic expression but literal.

Today is the day of the caretaker of sheep, working again in research … will see if later on I open a litte coffee shop back in Guanajuato or something else… Even the character of “traveler” also has fallen … but “seeker” is the trikiest one.

Pd. Please someone remind me all this next time I fall in love / have crises / or take the character very seriously … as YES it has happened to me…

En el patio trasero de la casa…

What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: This is a creative writing experiment where I’m mixing my dairies. Sometimes I write from the present or sometimes I just post my old dairy that I wrote when I live aboard a sailboat for one year.

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