Tulia Gonzalez Posts

*From Mexico to New Zealand aboard a sailboat. Now from ashore I transcribe the diaries of one year living on the sea.

17.Feb.2013
La Cruz de Huanacaxtle, Nayarit. Mexico.

Between ships and land shores, ports and docks, between going or staying… wandering. Among all the chaos of coincidences and new people, I met a man named Tom, who starts with T as Tulia, as Tita, Tus, and Tila back home in my parents’ house. Among he saying:  I will cross the Pacific and I am seeking for crew.  Paul’s idea about advertise myself on the radio gave result and I was talking with the captain of the small yellow sailboat (But that does not matter too much right now… I just met him once and who knows if I will see him ever again).  Among all this happenings… I got a little message from S yesterday: “heart … I think of you … I want to see you” a couple of lines to me sounded as poetry. It was one of those light evenings at  Aly’s home with the guys  in search of sailboats. Next day I woke up with a burning heart, inspirational, in love. I know we have different rhythms and cycles, and only I’m curious if one day we will coincide and live something more…

***

18.Feb.2013

The first time I saw Tom was in the Marina, in Paul’s boat.  He answered my call on the radio, another man came also but did not give me any good impression, so I refused.  Then Tom came, we talked about his boat and I did not understand a lot of terms (for that I asked Paul to help me with the interview.) I assume that there are no suicidal people around here and if someone wants to cross an ocean he’ll have complete confidence in himself and in his boat. The only thing I really care about is the person and if I feel comfortable with (as I saw that live on someone’s boat is about sharing and living together before everything else).

The first thing I said above all was:  I do not seek any relationship, or any chance of this, or the idea of ​something, anything. Well, I will not go in the middle of the ocean having in mind if I misinterpret something or if I feel strange. (And I said this, as if really would  embark on this trip) Surprised and laughing  Tom said he was more than agree since he was not looking for anything neither (Just I have to be clear). He gave me good impression, good vibes, neutral and somehow peaceful. Paul found him nice as well. We agree in going to sail a race for the day and we’ll see. I telephoned my mother to gently starting putting out the idea of ​​her daughter going away to a remote island.

***

19.Feb.2013

I went sailing with Tom and Linda. This is happening … is happening as things that have happened to me so far; passing without me notice them. And when they are already happening I turn to see: I’m already here, I’m going … I’m already doing it.  So I am impressed, and even a little scary, because then, gently, smoothly, without efforts, almost inadvertently, things are fitting on their place to go to the Pacific, in two weeks, three weeks, French Polynesia. OMG.

In the end I’m realizing that there is no place to go. Now I am and have always been in the place or situation to be full, be happy. Paradise is always where I am now, no matter where is this … I seek nothing, I have fun, I like to put myself in situations that move me in, put myself on the edge and is where I can discover-me(whatever that means). I know that maybe I do not need to do all this but it is a way of… seeing the world … see the world inside me.

S wrote me. I was very happy, yesterday and this morning I could just be still thinking about her and what she wrote. I was surprised … Which reminds me that lately my name gives me a different feeling than before, Tulia, sound sometimes foreign, sometimes gives me a loving feeling, or it feels like a past life, or like someone else name, someone who I know well. 

***

20.Feb.2013

This is happening. Really. Tom, Linda and I went to Octopus Garden where Aly works and what a surprise! Aly came sailing from San Francisco but I just found that she almost came down with Tom as a crew, so they knew each other already. Coincidences and good signs. Then at the end of dinner, we ordered a wine and offer a toast.
So, we are going? /  Tom said.
Yes, we are going. I answered.

I do not know what causes me more excitement: the fact that I’m already making plans to move to the boat or to know that S loves me.

I have written her:

…In the end … who cares? If now I feel intensely. I love you in a very free way, without need, without agendas, without wishing that things were different, not “havings”. For me it does not matter, after all relationships are always changing. Like friendship, brotherhood, passion, absence, or romance… that’s not so important.

There is no place to arrive, or no name to lose


What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: This is a creative writing experiment where I’m mixing my dairies. Sometimes I write from the present or sometimes I just post my old dairy that I wrote when I live aboard a sailboat for one year.

{Day 11 of 30}

There are days like this one, when I said -I slept too much. I opened and closed my eyes in the morning … feeling a sensation of have missed something that I do not know. It is winter. It rained all week, a thin, continuous pouring rain. But this feeling of sluggishness may not have to do with it…

And on days like this when the direction of an internal map is missing (and yet does not mean being lost) that feeling instantly takes me by surprise.  As who inspects a foreign object for the first time by rotating it with the hands in front of your eyes, look inside, outside, from below, from behind, flipping it … and just does not understand its true utility …  I sometimes see  man’s life like that – I mean, my life-.

Then I turn the little figurine to find somewhere to put it… on the shelf maybe…. or perhaps it has some purpose unknown to me, some different use…. And with my  fingers I draw the shapes and lines;  and with my mind I intend to imagine its possible  uses or appearance … my life. Then I say I slept too much today, with a feeling I lacked something and I realize that is not mine … that I’m riding clouds between dreams and my pink-flowered sheets in a girl’s – stranger- room. I’m pretending be misplaced (as if I was placed!) and then I see that standing up in the same point in the world I could feel myself both:  lost or founded. So I’m waking up, as I am aware of this. I mean I am opening the eyes behind my opened eyes.

Cloud rider – While riding my fluffy cloud of thoughts … I think there is something I should do, something I am missing… then –suddenly – I jump out of bed naked. And everything is like a faint trail … sometimes … a feeling that fades with coffee and toast.  I stop riding the could-  How I know?

Because space
for  feeling the space.

I remember the conversation with my friends from the sailboat Muktuk. An Austrian family with two children aged 8 and 11 years who lived in Alaska on their sailboat. They said they had to go breaking the ice to move, but there is a problem: Stuck in the ice, stopped boat, and the GPS does not work … you know, because the GPS tells you which direction to go only when moving. (When stopped it marks the location but not the direction). So you need to get going, instinctively give the first step and when there is motion the GPS is able to mark the precise coordinates and indicate the direction. This first movement you may have given it in the opposite direction or falling of course … but you know the direction now and recover …  the GPS is working…. But if you stand still … it never set the direction (and you can even get stuck and frozen).

The movement itself is the direction.

Kaikoura, NZ.
Kaikoura, NZ.

What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: This is a creative writing experiment where I’m mixing my dairies. Sometimes I write from the present or sometimes I just post my old dairy that I wrote when I live aboard a sailboat for one year.

June 29 / Creative Challange

{Day 10 of 30}

No, is not what you imagine …  Standing in front of a group of 40 old ladies in an old house drinking tea. And in terms of Taumarunui, little town in the mountains of New Zealand … this is a Women’s Club.  Today they gather to listen the talk of a Mexican who came for some sort of coincidences … I wonder if this is only in appearance and there are more mysterious reasons behind this meeting of so many old ladies …  maybe they make secret plannings to invade the village with pastries , planting flowers in the corners, or exchanging all plastic tablecloths of the-only- coffee-shop for colored embroidery … maybe even they could be organizing an annual meeting to exchange secret recipes. Or it could even end by me turned into a white little mouse at the end of lunch like in that witches movie.

With all that… I still came. Half an hour before a lady came home to pick me up; I took a quick shower and look for something almost- decent to dress: a formal shirt, belt, pants and shoes… all black and gray. And I even dared to wonder if I would be “over dressed up”? The old ladies seem to have taken out their jewels and dresses (at least 20 years old). One day a week the Women’s Club gives them an excuse to spruce up … But,

What do a group of elder ladies from New Zealand want to know about me??

As I entered the room a delicious smell of food filled me up. They served a pumpkin cream and pastries … everyone talked about his own recipe with more or less pepper but all agreed that they would not even have to do the dishes.

Mrs. Ruth sitting next to me, the only black hair woman since all the others has whites and fluffy like clouds in this country. The “chicken” of  74 years of group dressed in a long black skirt and boots … four or five earrings in each ear and has a form of juvenile talk, “Hey darling, so you better come and sit right here”. Intense blue-gray eyes…

-Dear, do you have already a husband? She asked.
– No, I tell them. Everybody laughing.
– You better enjoy now that you are free my dear… all of them say.
– I do not know if I’m going to marry…
– So you will see if you meet the right one 😉
– Hmm … (roll eyes) … no, I do not know. I say laughing – and not knowing is perhaps worse than saying no, because if a woman says “no” is “yes” and “yes” is often “no” … but if I say “do not know” … More laughter in table.
– Dear you’ll have to speak laud in your presentation here because half are almost deaf. Are you nervous about public speaking?
-Nothing at all, I say. I think it would be easier to be nervous when you take it personal or you want to give an impression of something. At this point I do not care to give any impression more than what comes in the moment.  And of course I don’t prepare a single word beforehand.

I get up, I get to the front – the stories with scripts and orders left behind, there is a spontaneity in this…  the angles, spaces, and words are now different every time. Different tales of the same one thing. Then I flew until the table in the house of my grandmother picking the smells, spices, and the view from the window and to even her… and bring them all to the living room in this old house where elderly kiwis – a hundred thousand miles from Mexico – can meet my grandmother Rosa.

In Mexico we eat at three in the afternoon! Not like in NZ having dinner as the main course … seems funny to them … hence it follows a river of curious things … until the day of the dead I say in Mexico is a colorful day (and my mind goes for a second the idea of touching a sensitive issue as how much they think about death in this age? almost want to ask them but just forget the issue in the next minute …

club de mujeres

-How are the houses?  Does your family drive a car?
-What language is spoken?
-Is New Mexico part of Mexico?
-How are the weddings?
-How many children people have?
-What about the elderly?
-Then you come from a rich family? (Many laughs after this lol! Not rich financially at least I tell)

-How did you get here? How do you cook on a boat? Did you were afraid to go with a stranger?

I tell them a bit about the “whys” and “hows” of traveling slowly, something about sailing and taking care of homes … but what really arises here is when I say:  the real reason I can travel in this way is for the trust . Trust among strangers. Several of them look at me with eyes of proud mom, I laugh … Finally hugs and good wishes of many of them …  There are these things that I get into it … and I sleep early because tomorrow they want to take me to the exercises group…  


What Desafío Creativo is?

Is a Dynamic  that started in Caminomundos.  The challenge is to do some creative work for 30 consecutive days, can be posts, poems, pictures, etc. Do you want to participate?

HERE: This is a creative writing experiment where I’m mixing my dairies. Sometimes I write from the present or sometimes I just post my old dairy that I wrote when I live aboard a sailboat for one year.